So you want to know the truth about motherhood? You want to know about the nights when three hours sounds like a good amount of sleep? The days where taking the time to shower feels like an accomplishment on par with climbing Mt. Everest? The daily discussions about poop? You want to hear about the day when you reach the conclusion that it is ok to leave the house with your son's pee on your shirt? Ok, then here it is, the unvarnished truth.
You will come to learn that you really can function on practically no sleep for months at a time. The toll may be harder for your husband to take; at one point in the early months of your son's life, your husband will wake you up by scooping his hands underneath your back as if he was going to pick you up. When you ask him what he is doing, he will respond, "I'm going to burp you" as if burping his thirty-one year old wife in the middle of the night is the most natural act in the world.
If you experience nursing difficulties, you will feel as if it is your soul, not just your milk, that you are pumping out of your breasts every couple of hours. You will feel like a failure because your son will not or cannot nurse from your breast. You will feel like you are harming your child for life because you have to supplement with formula after replacing your breast pump motor three times in as many months and you are still not able to pump out enough milk to meet your son's demand. You will have daily breastfeeding
obsessive ramblings discussions with your husband to try to determine why you cannot make nursing work. After six months, you will pack up the breast pump and finally realize that your son is thriving, even on formula, and that you are not a failure as a mom because you could not make it work.
You will obsess about every illness he experiences, every new study that comes out, every baby product you buy and every milestone he reaches.
If you choose to go back to work, even just on a part-time basis, your heart will break a little each day when you leave his life in someone else's hands for the day.
You will cheer his every accomplishment: his first smile, his first tooth, his first laugh, his first steps. You will think that he is the most amazing being ever created. You will be right about that.
You will love him with a love beyond anything you could ever imagine. You will know in the deepest part of your soul that you would do anything to keep him safe from harm.
And the most important truth of all: you really would not want your life any other way.